chaos

So life is pretty sweet right now... As usual Im stressed with all the things I chose to have in my plate, but who am I kidding?! I dont know how to live without all the stress...

On a lighter (and much more exciting note) I am seeing a boy who is just amazing. This one is NOTHING like you would expect from me... most defitinely not what I usually go for. He is pretty funny, he seems to be able to keep up with me, give me all the attention I want (and love) but wont let me walk all over him! Its a great balance. Just spent the weekend with him. Only problem is that he is oh so far away... Bloomington! Yeah, if only that was in Florida. Long distance sucks.. but this one, he just seems right! He says he is going to Europe with me... let's see!

Other than that Im pretty excited about all the travel in the next month(Boston, Homecoming, Kansas City and bf in town). Fun fun fuN! Im pretty broke, but oh well...

Last but not least.. Ive been thinking about graduation a lot. May 4, 2007. Family is coming to Gville from Brazil, friends from out of town...

"Ms. Priscila Silva-Araujo
with a
Bachelor of Science Degree with High Honors
in Industrial & Systems Engineering
and a Minor in Business Administration
will be honored with the Dean Weil Award"

oh.. I am so excited about sitting on stage! Dont want to jinx it, but I have been wanting this award for so long... my parents will be so proud to see "their little girl" sitting on stage during graduation!

Anyways... time to sleep!

So why go to sleep when I can be nostalgic about my favorite tv show (which got cancelled)....
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By Ephram:
"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw, my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again."

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Amy's Princeton Essay, Written By Ephram

Tell us about yourself in such a way that we will have a good sense of who you are; 500 words.

I wish you would've asked me that two years ago. I could've told you exactly who I was, who I'd be. Two years ago I knew it all and the thing is, I was right. Plans are like candy to the Fates. The only thing you could ever be sure of is nothing ever goes the way you imagined. I should probably be used to that by now. The thing is you can never tell when everything you counted on might fall apart – no matter how solid the rock. Rocks break. Everything changes, even when you think you’re sure, especially. To be fair, if I was one of the Fates looking down at the best laid plans of dumb little people, I'd probably see mine and want to mess with them too.

You want to know about me in 500 words? I get scared sometimes and disappointed. I have doubts and I love getting my way. I don’t like change, but I know it's good for me and inevitable so I welcome it as best I can. There’s a poem by Johann Franck that says it better than I will. "Defy the old dragon, defy fear. The world may rage and quake but I shall remain singing in perfect peace." Yeah, things happen – things you don’t expect – or want or like. The world rages and you become someone you didn’t know you’d ever be. And there you are, in your clothes, in your life, this is my future, this is me. This is me and I want things I never thought I would. I want the possibilities a school like Princeton can afford. A place to grow, meet new people. A place to be surprised when life turns out to be nothing like I imagined. You have to be grateful for it – in perfect peace.

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It is Thursday late at night.. but you know, "today was a good tuesday". Made me remember why i like tuesdays...

So school started on Wednesday...and with it, everything else!!! The stress, the "drama", the good times...
after all: taking IPPD (i know, im gonna regret it), still trying to be in SWE (but letting lovely Prinda rule her world), got picked on in my classes by my professors, established "girls night out" (wednesdays), and seeing familiar faces...
Life is back to normal... i love it!

So Im leaving Brazil tomorrow morning. I just finished packing and I should have been asleep long ago, but I wanted to let some stuff out first.

I am actually a bit sad to leave and wouldnt have minded staying till Monday! I usually am dying to leave but since I only came for a week it didn't become tedious. Perhaps in the future I should come for no more than 12 days.

Being back in Brasilia is really weird. It kinda feels like home, but at the same time, I feel like a stranger here. I look at places and people and realize how different my life would have been had we not left Brazil. Today when I was in the car, we drove by the Military School where I studied. All these girls were wearing their uniforms... red bonnets, well shinned belt buckles and shoes, pressed shirts and skirts. Had we stayed, I would have completed all of my schooling there. College, I have no idea what I would have studied... I'm sure it would not have been engineering. I would probably end up in the Armed Forces or working for the government.


In some ways, it is like the world stopped here... we ate at restaurants that I used to eat when I was a kid. They all look the same! Same food, same taste! But other areas are so new... my aunt used to live "super far" from my grandma's. But now the city has grown so much that where my aunt used to live is "right next door".

Another "weird" aspect is that my family lives here... if I was still here, or was to move back, I would see my extended family all the time. Thats just weird! In the past 11 years I have probably seen them no more than 15 times. I think because of htis I have started seeing my friends (and boyfriends) as family. Having a "blood" family would just be weird.

I guess I dont have really anything important to say... Im just a bit weirded out by the "WHAT IF" question.

I love living in Gainesville, I love my friends, I studied the right thing, I had the best education... obviously us leaving Brazil has had a huge impact on who I am and what I believe in... and I think it was all for the best! I wish I knew this when I was 11 and I cried myself to sleep for months dreading this new life.

Alright.. bed time!
Pree

So yesterday I was told I "get bored easily" with guys... I know, I know.. you probably aren't surprised, but to me THESE WERE NEWS! So as usual I thought about it all day until I found an answer. Here it goes!

I found what is probably the key (or at least ONE MAIN key) to my relationships working...

PROCESS OVERVIEW:
I looked at my past relationships.. and tried to see when did things start not being great... so looking even before they went sour... and looked at which relationships lasted longer and such

KEY CONCLUSION:
If getting bored with guys is the reason things go wrong, I think it starts happening aorund the time I stop having fun.

BACKGROUND:
I like playing around! whether its playing sport games together.. or whether its just racing competitions... singing silly songs, or making animals sounds. Most people don;t usually get to see this side of me. But it is usually described as "silly" or more truthfully "childish".

DATA ANALYSIS:
Looking at all the guys I have dated (serious and not serious), they all fell into different categories.

CAT. ONE: The ones that criticized me playing (or made me feel that i shouldnt do it)
CAT. TWO: The ones that let me indulge myself but were only slightly amused
CAT. THREE: The few that played with me

The ones that criticized me or wat not... I basically was stupid to like them when they didn't like me as much.. I guess I just constantly wanted their approval... not many in this category, but I felt I liked them more than they liked me

The ones that let me indulge on myself.. they played with me at first but they eventually got bored of my games and since I got no response I stopped.... they all liked me so much and were so nice.. we kinda stayed together until i found someone who would be entertained by my sillyness... Most guys I dated fall into this category. If they were to read this they wouldnt find themselves to fall in here though! Bcuz at first it is all new and they want to win me so they play along but once they think that they "got" me.. they stop playing.

The few that played with me... We played silly games ALL THE TIME... everything under the sun, from role playing (not sexually!) to making funny videos (again not sexually)... we were just silly together. They usually made me laugh real hard... you know those laughs from the pit of your stomach, the kind of laugh that takes up your whole body! These are the ones that work.

So this is my hypothesis.. whether it is wrong or right I dont know. But it makes sense to me... and in retrospect it does seem to fit.

NEXT STEPS: Make sure to have silly kind of fun!!!

Yup.. no doubt about it.

apparently I'm a bitch.

Here I am sitting at the airport in Charlotte waiting for my connecting flight. It was a good weekend after all :o) Flew down to Gville on Friday, worked some, then headed over to Orlando with Ayo & Dan. There we stayed at mom and dads place (thats Dan's parents)... over the course of the weekend I hung out with my roomie Rachel, Joe & Anne, Allison & Gareth and of course my soulmie.
Saturday went to the beach, watched the World Cup games, tried to watch the launch( got cancelled), went to the hot tub. Sunday went to watch dad fly RC places, hung out at home, watched movies... Monday I had to work, but in the afternoon we went to Wet n' Wild and then to The Cheesecake Factory... Today we headed back to Gville and I got to spend some time at my apartment. I LOVE MY HOME! I lay on my bed :o) it was great... even teared up I was so happy. Now its time to head back to "reality". and tomorrow gotta get back to work.

Coming home this weekend was really good for me. Some of the good things that came out of the trip were (not in order):
1) Decided what I want to do after I graduate
2) Deposited check into Wachovia
3) Got sweatpants, movies and a few other items to bring to Cinci
4) Got a new perspective on a LOT of things
5) Got a sexy tan
6) Made a lot more great memories...